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December 6, 2016

An open letter to the Angels who saved me

Angels

I truly believe in my heart and soul that I went through the pain I did to help others. God saw a strength in me that I didn’t then see in myself.

At least not during those dark days.

As we venture on down this road of self-discovery I will go deeper into my past hurts and scars.

From my history of verbal abuse to the one boy who broke my heart, leaving me with walls I still keep up till this day.

I wanted to take a moment to stop and thank the Angels who have helped me along the way.

Often when you are strong it is odd when people see you weak. All they have ever known of you is your strength. It is because I was weak, that I am now strong. Because I had the love and support of my Mom that made it okay to come back home. I had a place to be. A place that was safe.

Because of the friends who listened to me over and over again as I cried my heart out. Asking God why I had found myself in this situation, and also hating myself for not getting out sooner than I did.

From the bottom of my heart I thank those souls who helped me through my personal storms. Some are still in my life while others have moved on.

No, I am not strong because I have never been weak. My soul has known pain. My heart has bled onto the floor. I have shed tears that have fed an ocean of pain.

The Angel’s dressed in human form saved me. It is my  hope I can save someone else too.

 

“Hey you standing in that corner, hoping nobody can see what he did to you.

Praying the makeup can hide the external bruises and the alcohol will heal the internal.

Sit down, let me talk to you. I truly understand what he’s done to you. My scars still burn so strong.

Cry on my shoulder, let the hurt out, I know how deep it goes.

You think nobody understands- that everybody judges you.

They think “Get out. How do you put up with what he does to you?”

The ‘outsiders’ they simply don’t understand how abusers use you and bring you down

so you can’t fight for yourself. Sit down, cry on my shoulder, let the pain out, I will understand.”

 

*Written by me back in 2012.

 

To my Momma, thank you for giving me a safe place to return home to. Thank you for loving me through and trying to show me the light. I know I didn’t want to see it back then, but it will be the driving force behind me, to show other women the light I didn’t want to see. I love you.

To my Aunt Jennifer, thank you for always being there for me. For your wonderful wisdom and advice through the years. Thank you for your encouragement and always pointing out how far I have come. You rock as a human and my Aunt.

To Angela, though we no longer talk, you saved me the final night in Texas. Thank you for being a rock for me when I was a puddle of confusion. I love and miss you.

To Gail, you are a beautiful human inside and out. We have saved each other more than once. Your kindness and seeing of who I am at the core of my being has helped me through the years of darkness.

Love you more than………….

And to the ones who were sent to help me for short periods of time, THANK YOU.

Namaste

 

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